When “I Should Be Happy” Doesn’t Match How You Feel By Lauren Shockley, MS, LPC/MHSP

May is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month, and if there’s one thing I hope more mothers hear, it’s this:

You can love your baby deeply and still struggle.

So many women walk into motherhood carrying an expectation of what they should feel. Joy. Gratitude. Connection. And while those moments absolutely exist, they don’t always come easily or consistently.

Instead, you might feel overwhelmed. Anxious. Irritable. Maybe even disconnected or numb. And then comes the quiet thought that’s hard to say out loud: Why don’t I feel the way I’m supposed to?

If that thought has crossed your mind, you are not alone.

The truth is, maternal mental health is more complex than most people talk about. Hormonal changes, lack of sleep, identity shifts, physical recovery, and the constant demands of caring for a baby can all impact how you feel. For some, this looks like anxiety that won’t settle. For others, it’s a heaviness that lingers longer than expected.

And for many, it comes with guilt.

Guilt for not enjoying every moment. Guilt for needing space. Guilt for wondering if something is wrong.

But struggling in this season does not mean you’re doing anything wrong. It means you’re human, adjusting to one of the biggest transitions life can bring.

So what can you do if this feels familiar?

Start by naming it. Even quietly, even just to yourself. Acknowledging how you feel is not a sign of weakness. It’s the beginning of caring for yourself.

Next, allow someone into that space. That might be a trusted friend, a partner, or a counselor who understands perinatal mental health. You do not have to carry this alone.

And finally, give yourself permission to seek support sooner rather than later. You don’t have to wait until things feel unbearable. Support can be a steady, grounding place in the middle of uncertainty.

At Maryville Counseling, we work with mothers who are navigating this exact tension between what they expected and what they’re experiencing. There is space for both love and struggle here.

If your reality doesn’t match the picture you had in mind, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It simply means you may need support.

And that is something you deserve.